Being both a cross dresser and somewhat of a guitar player (not a great one or else I would have graduated from Semi-pro to pro.) I have also been known to write a song or two. I find myself really curious to know if there are any other girls out there who are musicians and whether, if any of you out there are such girls, how much being both a musician and a crossdresser interact with each other, and whether one influences the other to a certain degree?
It may sound like an odd question at first, I asked myself this very question and really gave it no more thought than just dismissing it. It wasn't until I started using this site recently and introducing my self to people as Hannah that this question raised itself again in my mind. A few days ago while enjoying a few hours pottering around my flat dressed up in my favourite tights, heels and dress that I picked up a guitar and began to have a noodle around on it. Then I thought wouldn't it be really nice and quite liberating to write something that is about me, something extremely close to my heart which would be about how I feel as Hannah and what being Hannah means to me as a musician and a sort of ..... well, songwriter I suppose?
So, does being Hannah influence how I write a song? Would she, could she, in fact, influence or have an impact on the songs ideas that I could potentially write? That is hard to say because it is more than likely that she already has done so without me realising it or understanding that Hannah has always been inside me somewhere before I gave her a name. Now though that as Hannah I have a name I can identify with her musical influences much more and would, I am sure, be able to define the kind of things that Hannah would write as opposed to what I would when I am not Hannah. There may be no difference what so ever between myself as I am and myself as Hannah as what I do comes from the heart. However, that very much, begs the question whos heart do I have? Is it the heart of Hannah or the heart of someone that I have a lot trouble identifying myself with. Do I have Hannah's heart or does my heart need Hannah in my life?
I suppose that I could go on asking myself these kind of questions for ever and however fundamental they are I still cannot find within me a definitive answer. There is nothing black and white about it, much of life is like that though and that's why sometimes I do struggle with my identity as having a specific gender that is seen to most as being black and white, or in simpler terms male and female. I see male as black and I see a man dressed in a black suit ready to attend a funeral. White would then be female, there I see a woman in a beautiful lace and silk ivory wedding dress ready to make her vows and a lifelong commitment to someone she loves very much and very dearly.
I don't know how much of this makes sense to anyone else, if I'm honest probably none at all! I also seem to have strayed a little from the subject I came here to write about. But that is me, that is how my mind works and how things can race at around inside me and then just burst out of me.
For now, I will stop writing and leave it there. Thank you for taking the time to get through to this, the end and if you did I am so grateful and delighted you read it.
Thank you again