What a crazy road!
I wonder how many of us knew that we would want to be feminine and to what extent we would go to be such.
Myself, I can recall dressing in my mother's nylons, shoes and dresses but never a daily occurrence. Not until I got older, closer to 30, did I start buying my own stocking, pantyhose and shoes but at this point I would want to dress for a month or two then good for a year or more. Then about 5 years ago I started the "phase" again. But this time I wasn't content to just wander around the house in panties, pantyhose, high heels. I wanted a skirt and blouse. Unfortunately my wife at that time was much smaller than me so her clothes were unavailable to wear. But i was trying on my her makeup.
Finally one day I broke down and went and bought a blue teddy, which I posted a pic of in one of my albums. That teddy sparked a whole new world for me. I now wanted to look as much like a woman as possible. Thus 3 months later came the wig.
It was 3 years ago I started to think what it might be like being a bottom. By this point I have also started to collect clothes and makeup. Then came a business trip out of town and my first date back in the hotel room.
This was the point that my life became confusing and really has not gotten better because now all I want to do is become Alexis.
I wear panties 24/7. I wear pantyhose or stockings to work 1 to 3 days a week, and I fully dress any opportunity I get. There are even days I get away with being able to wear makeup at work.
I've come to accept that I am now a bi crossdressing bottom but given the circumstances would start HRT, have gender reassignment surgery and feminine vocal training or possibly vocal surgery and become 100% female.
The reality. Alexis may be all she will ever be right now. Which leads to the questions. How much more can Alexis be? Has she come to the point of all or nothing? And what will it cost to let Alexis be my only persona?
in the end each of us discovers their feminine side and then begins a journey of either denying and forcing their feminine side into nonexistent. Or we travel down a path of uncertainty where we eventually have to decide have I gotten to a point where I can be satisfied with who I am or am I willing to sacrifice all to be who I need to be?
While I continue to find and contemplate these answers for myself. I want to wish my fellow sister nothing but happiness as they seek the answers to their situation as we travel down this crazy road we have embarked down.
- 16 Jan, 2019
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