Little bit of background about me, I have been crossdressing for around 20 years since I was a very young teen. It started at first as a curiosity and mainly involved stealing tights and wearing them during masturbation. This, over time, started to define a few things about me, I started to identify more with those kinds of clothes more than the boys clothes i would wear for school etc. Then, when I got a bit older, I started to identify as something different, but not a boy or girl, but somewhere in between. I was attracted to both boys and girls and always felt unsure about that.
It got to the stage in my late teens / early 20s that I was very uncomfortable with who I was, what I had been through and a distinct lack of anyone to talk to about it. I flipped in and out of relationships and was completely lost, for a little while I was also homeless. I also contemplated suicide and it was only because of intervention by a friend, that it didn't happen.
i then met my now wife and have been working on trying to find my identity. She almost forced me to accept what I was, even if she wasn't completely with me on it! Now many years later, I now crossdress more than I dress as a man and have been thinking about making more of a change to do this more openly, if I wasn't such a coward!
So today, for the first time in a little while, I haven't worn something under my clothes! I don't know exactly how i feel at the moment, I'm quite stressed at work and family life has been quite difficult of late and I'm not sure a big change is what I need right now, I don't even know if I'm worth it.
im not convinced my wife would support such a change and I don't have a support system in place. I just wanted to write this down and put it out there, even if no-one reads this. Maybe I should just carry on for now and see what happens...
- 23 May, 2019
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