Who am I? By Bob
Who am I
I was so sure
I knew that once
But it was before her
Now I don’t know
But it seems to be
That everyday
I become less of me
She’s taking over
That much is certain
I’m not sure how long
‘til my final curtain
I don’t sleep much now
Because I’m afraid
To lose any hours
Before I just fade
There are times that I wish
I were just losing my mind
But I really know
The universe isn’t that kind
My life was finally on track
And then she awoke
As if I’m being used
For some cruel joke
Now I’m in between
Parts of me already lost
For her awakening
I’ve already paid a cost
I know that she is
Who I should have been
But coming this late
Has caused me to spin
If the abuse hadn’t happened
If she’d stayed awake
If I’d been born a woman
‘What if’s’ are a mistake
The past is the past
And will not change
No matter how hard
We’d like it to rearrange
I’m just not certain
Of who I am now
I’m part the old me
And partly her somehow
I go through this life
Sometimes one, Sometimes another
Mostly lost and confused
Not really one, not really the other
Emotions I feel
Some odd, all intense
Things I’ve not felt before
Some just don’t make sense
Happiness and sadness,
Longings, desire
All so intense
My whole world is on fire
Emotions and feelings
I’ve had them before
But her freedom to feel them
Has knocked me to the floor
I know in the end
She will hold sway
I’ll just be boxed up
And put away
I’m afraid of dying
Surrendering my time
Knowing even that as her
That time is still mine
I’d like to let go
Let her have her way
But there are reasons just now
That I have to stay
By my fingernails I’m hanging
To stay just a little longer
To settle some things
And let her grow stronger
At least letting go
Would end the pain
Of wondering every day
If I could remain sane
From moment to moment
Being him, being her
I don’t know who I am
My identity’s a blur
- 22 Mar, 2017
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