I Went to a Transgender Support Group

So last night I went to an online trans support group.

I wasn't sure if I'd feel like a bit of a tourist as I'm still in decision-making, information-gathering mode. But I really enjoyed it. I'll definitely go to more.

There were 5 of us:

- Me
- The moderator - a gay Scottish guy from the hormone clinic which organises them
- A young guy 3 weeks into hormones
- A fully transitioned lady aged 59
- Another guy aged 69 who is about to retire and planning to focus on his transition when he does

It was all very laid back and fun. I stayed pretty quiet at first out of respect to any "real" trans people who had things to discuss. The fully transitioned lady had a bit of a rant about a (female) cab driver who had disapproved of her and told her so and the ensuing conversation.

After a bit the mod brought me into it and asked where I was. I said I'm trying to make up my mind and had come to hear others experiences, how people had reacted to them, their experiences on hormones and so forth.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear how accepting the others had found people generally, and the support they'd got from their family and friends. It was the fully transitioned lady's daughter who had pushed her to take the first steps and said "Dad, you can't just keep wearing ladies' clothes at home, you've got to be yourself" and persuaded her to dump all her guy clothes in the bin so she had no other option when out in public but her girl clothes.

We talked about people's reactions, bathrooms, relationships, our histories, swapped makeup tips and on the whole had a great time. I really enjoyed it.

The oldest guy said his wife isn't great with him transitioning. She is accepting but says she married a man and that's what she wants. He asked if anyone has similar stories and how they handled it and the mod aimed it at me. Being polyamorous and pansexual I didn't have much to say except that if that's her gender preference then it is; we can't hold people's sexuality against them. She's not being nasty about it, she just has a right to choose as much as he does. Things change and people go in different directions. This is exactly why I'm poly.

The young guy was pleased that after just a few weeks he'd started to grow some boobs. We were all happy for him, even if that's what puts me off hormones the most.

I'm non-binary. I don't want to "be a woman" and definitely not an imitation of one. I want something in the middle. Soft face and skin, pretty hair, a vagina, but I don't want to go out in dresses and perform womanhood. My day to day style is feminine enough for me, I'm androgynous and I don't want to try and pass or deny my masculine past, that would be inauthentic. 

But if I suddenly blow up a pair of tits then I'm either a guy with tits or I try to perform womanhood and look like a "man trying to be a woman" when being a woman isn't even what I want. I feel good and get lots of compliments as a "gay" guy with a feminine style, and this would be just ugh.

We talked about that and it was interesting to hear how everyone takes very different routes and wants very different things from a transition. I thought people would think I'm a fraud but this sort of thing wasn't news to anyone. It was refreshing to know I didn't have to fit a mould, and refreshing to see how unique everyone's path is.

Overall, loved it. There are a couple more in two weeks time. I'll prioritise them, had loads of fun.