Don't Ask, Don't Tell

The phrase “On the Horns of a Dilemma” comes to mind this morning. That is how I feel at times, and while carefully evaluating the pros and cons of either action can be useful, in the end, even armed with a logical assessment, it can be agonizing to make a decision. To put this in perspective, I'm sometimes torn over whether to tell people about my hobby/fetish, lol. The hobby I'm talking about is, of course, crossdressing.

I read an article recently by a crossdresser who went out of his/her way to tell family members that he was fond of crossdressing. Trying to get in front of this is not that easy. It makes me wonder: why tell someone who doesn't need to know? The wife needs to know; I get that, and she should be told. A woman you are getting romantically involved with should also be told upfront. That I support, as it allows her to make her decision as to whether she wants to pursue the relationship. I've written about this elsewhere.

If you want to tell people close to you, it still may be a crap shoot. What if they are secretly hostile to crossdressers but are just polite enough not to make remarks about what they believe? In our society, most people are generally civil and polite to each other (although I believe this is actually in decline). That said, you don't really know what they are thinking, so why tell them? Even if you want to tell your mother and father, their reaction could go either way unless you really do know otherwise. If you are not planning to visit them while en femme, why do you want to tell them?

It is wonderful to be open with people, as in “I've got nothing to hide.” But if you go around telling everyone you are a crossdresser, you will eventually get into trouble with someone, as we know this is still controversial with some people. Also, when you are out and about en femme, few people at the supermarket are bothering to identify you, much less develop a posture to take you down if you get “made.” People in our club have been at events where relatives (a brother, for example) see them en femme but do not recognize them. The long hair and particularly makeup go a long way in camouflaging your male self. I used to go out sans makeup, and now I wonder why. The same goes for pantyhose; it is well worth it to take the time to put them on. It brings a strong female influence, and most guys' faces (and legs) look totally washed out without it. If you are like me, you want to bring some color to your face to complement all the colors you are wearing on your body. If you see a well-made-up actress without her makeup, sometime you will see what I mean.

A further word on pantyhose, which personally, I love. Sure, it takes a little bit of finagling to get them on, but it is worth it. When I compared some of my own pictures with and without pantyhose, there is no comparison. Even if you use nude shades, they will make you look much, much better. You will get noticed in public, but in a good way.

My wife is okay with me crossdressing, but she is nervous about our neighbors seeing me crossdressed if I go to the car in the front street. So, I always leave from the garage, so no sweat. Personally, I don't care if they see me dressed up, but to keep peace in the family, I acquiesce to her demand. If a neighbor sees me getting into our car, I would simply say, “Oh yes, that was my sister visiting from Germany. Yes, she is quite tall.” Lol. They do not need to know the truth, do they? In the end, they can believe whatever they want. “Was he telling the truth? It kinda looked like him dressed as a woman. I wonder.” Why not let them enjoy the guessing game?

So, going back to my title “Don't Ask, Don't Tell,” there is no need to tell other people, even some that are close to you. I wouldn't ever have told my dear departed mother, and I'm not going to tell my sister (who doesn't live in Germany). We have had club members stopped by the local police (not for infractions but more like a wellness check), and they have been careful not to belittle or otherwise make our member uncomfortable. The same goes for me going into local liquor stores, where everybody must show pictured ID now. Obviously, mine shows me as a guy. I've done it three times now en femme without any trouble.

Having said all this, I can now say that “our sisterhood” is a precious one. In our crossdressing club, Masquerade, we discuss just about anything (okay, not much about sex) that people (our girls) want to talk about. Our conversation is usually pretty free and easy. Why? Because we accept each other as sisters without any reservations, which you might not find in other groups. It would be like going to the recent and annual Keystone Conference in the USA. There, we are all sisters. Outside, be careful and consider a policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell unless you are sure of your audience.

Love
Brianna