Should a Girl Tell

Recently I wrote an article “The Wife Finds Out” detailing my own experience in crossdressing while married to a cis-woman. God Bless our genetic girls, we do love them so. I'm convinced that my reason for being a CD Girl is I want some of that adulation usually showered on cis-women for myself. LOL. Besides the fact they are much prettier than we guys are.

I write to you today because I had an extended discussion recently with my club members about when/what/why to tell our significant others (SO) about crossdressing. It is always great to be honest when dealing with other people with perhaps a few exceptions. But what about this issue of divulging sensitive crossdressing information to our SOs?

Frankly, this is a very, very difficult issue we must face. I don't like to hide things from my wife but I do not tell her everything as in some ways we are very different in spite of all the things we have in common. I underdressed in women's panties for a long time which she knew about cuz they went into the general washing load. Why I did that is just a no-brainer they are so nice and pretty and comfy. I freely admitted to her I have a strong panty fetish. She laughed, I smiled. She did ask way back when if I was a crossdressing (CD) girl and I said no.

Truthfully, and I think this is very important, I didn't know myself but male to female (MtF) crossdressing has a way of escalating. And with me it did escalate and after a slow start escalated very quickly when I saw how pleasing my look was in the mirror (OK, at least to me). When we first got together if my wife had asked me whether I liked/tolerated crossdressers I would not have known what to say as I had no opinion back then. Like many things in life it is something in flux and we change and modify our thoughts and behaviours. When I was thirty years old I could not have imagined me going out in public in black pantyhose and a miniskirt plus a fullsome pair of breasts riding high on my chest topped by shoulder length blonde hair. Good Lord, NO! We change and I certainly changed. So was I wrong to say to my spouse back then “No, I'm not a crossdreser!” I don't really think so and it would be unfair to call me a liar back then. If I denied it now I would obviously be lying.

In our discussion at the Club we discussed telling the SO about our crossdressing. It was said that there are so many other facets to a long term marriage that when a wife gets cold ****** with the revelation that he is crossdressing and loves it she may be in shock for awhile but unless there are underlying serious problems in the marriage they will get through it and get to a happier place.

Of course, this doesn't always happen. For some couples maybe it is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Sadly the divorce rate in North American marriages is probably now north of 50% so we can see that there are a lot of underlying problems in 50% of marriages. To some wives crossdressing is just one more thing to load on the wagon of despair. But as crossdressing is a “victim-less felony” is it worth torpedoing an otherwise decent marriage over? I think not.

A former President of our Club was a long time crossdresser with the blessing of his genetic girl (GG) wife. He was very open about it. But sadly, the wife was less forgiving as he moved closer and closer towards the trangendered end of the continuum. They split and he/she is now with another transgendered girl. So to avoid confusion here are two genetic men who both transgendered to live as women and are now a married couple. Both quite passable too. Like Helen Boyd, authoress of “My Husband, Betty” the wife did not see this coming.

So, should a MtF crossdresser tell his wife? I wouldn't just blurt it out to her one day. I would think carefully on it. If the marriage has underlying problems telling her could make it worse or blow it all up. If you have a decent marriage and your wife is an understanding, reasonable person I would tell her, doing so made my CD Girl life a lot easier. I can dress in our home and go out to our meetings, etc. as long as I don't throw it in her face every day. I know there would be a breaking point. We'll never get there.

Sometimes we are between a rock and a hard place so to speak. Your marriage is good but you have the feeling knowing will not sit well with her. I can't offer any advice in this situation. It's just another of life's difficult choices. I have thought of various analogies though. What if you are developing an interest in drag racing or dirt circle track? You say to the wife “I'm going racing today”. She says “Oh that sounds like fun, can I come?” Oooooh la la. Yes you can my dear! Alternatively, she says, “Oh no you're not – it's dangerous and it's expensive. I won't have it”. What are you gonna do? I know what I would do.

At our Club we also discussed the budding romance “Should I tell her?” question. I used to converse with a veteran who lost friends during his time in Afghanistan. He was looking for a GGirl and suggested he would tell her early in the romance. Then she had the choice to take him or leave him. I don't know how things worked out for him but at our Club discussion there were some who were very dubious of this MO. First of all the object of your romantic feelings wants “Her Guy” above all. If she's a normal heterosexual genetic girl she wants a man with all the right equipment and certainly not somebody who wants her to order for them both at the restaurant. We put odds of about 5% in finding a GG who will say “You know, I'm totally OK with you crossdressing” early in the relationship. This is obviously not a scientifically designed opinion poll but I suspect this is true.

So where does this leave us? Different strokes for different folks, of course. It is good to not have to hide our crossdressing and things are much better than they were when NYC police were hauling dressed to the 9s crossdressers off in paddy wagons. Ridiculous! But wives still want their guys even though the society in general seems to be down on men. I'm not. I like being a guy but I also love to crossdress as a woman, just not all the time.

Love,
Brianna