Is cross-dressing comparable to The Matrix?

Most of you probably know the movie The Matrix starring Keanu Reeves. In his role as Neo, he connects to a Matrix, the real world, while the world as he knows it is actually a virtual world, created by machines and projected into our minds. He takes a pill that severs the connection to his own world and transports him to another, real world, which is totally different from the virtual world in which he has lived his entire life. It is an interesting film that I can recommend.

I bring this up because, during a conversation with a forum member, I suddenly realized that cross-dressing can also be compared to a transition to The Matrix, another new world, where you temporarily leave behind the world in which you grew up. It is as if you take a pill that sets the transformation into a woman in motion for a moment, and you end up in a world that is the opposite of the male world you know. Suddenly, we find ourselves in a women's world in which we have to grow up all over again. Everything is new every time we transform. How should I apply my makeup this time, how should I stand or move as a woman, how should I eat with a long wig fluttering in front of my eyes and mouth, what should I carry in my bag, walk elegantly in high heels, coordinate clothes, organize everything related to being a woman, how should I react to the 'others'? As a woman, I also become more self-critical. About my makeup, wrinkles, my large hands and overly muscular arms, body hair, a voice that doesn't match my appearance, problems I don't have to worry about in that other male world. 

Now that I have been out twice, the outside world feels different when I walk down the street, but the street is the same, the road I drive on too. I am essentially the same. My senses switch to a sharper mode, making me more aware of my surroundings. When I enter a room with men, I am no longer part of them. I might attract them—even though I don't necessarily want to—while in that other world I am one of the guys who has to hunt women, but is never hunted myself, because I am no Keanu Reeves. I suddenly realize that my attractiveness has shifted from negative to positive. Above all, I feel much more attractive to others and find myself much more beautiful in the mirror. I feel a different kind of self-confidence, especially since my body is suddenly showing its feminine curves. Lesbian or bisexual women who otherwise wouldn't be interested in me like me now, just like some men. There are bound to be many men who are just as crazy about crossdressers—to label it that way for a moment—as they are about women, perhaps even more so. We know how men think, through the experience in that other world where we are men. In that sense, we might be an easier match. In the women's world, I am also sexier; I dance with erotic movements in a way I never do in that other world. If I were to do that as a man, I would immediately get the label 'gay.' That is not me.

You could say that this can lead to a split personality, but the point is, I am always the same person. We are 1+1, so feel free to label us 2 if you must. I don't like drag queen, crossdresser, or whatever label is slapped on me, because it pushes me into a corner, over there in the world where the weird outsiders live. The world where I am a man without a label doesn't care about me because I wear jeans and flats. Here I wear no makeup, no skirt, dress, pumps, or thigh-high boots. So it is okay. But my inner woman cannot and will not be labeled. Only when she moves and transforms into the other world does she get a label from the others who were spectators in the men's world but are competitors or opposites in the other world, and some then believe they have the right to point the finger at us. Some will reject you completely. It takes a great deal of courage to take that pill again and again, to make the switch between those two worlds and be confronted with those polar opposites once more. Once the pill wears off, we are back in the other world. It sometimes gives a feeling of being lost.

We can choose to become a woman through hormones or surgery, thereby remaining in one world and leaving the other behind for good. Some experience the fluctuating transition as a way of life, joyful or painful, and take the pill for their entire lives. Others choose to transition fully. The only common factor in both worlds is time. Over time, we may come to the conclusion whether we want to continue taking pills or whether we ultimately decide to stay in the other world after taking the last pill... xxx Maila