Testing my femininity

I recently took an online test. They offer a  free gender test and claim that the test -you need to answer some questions- is a scientifically validated test. The result was that I am 71% feminine (high) and 56% masculine (average). It stated under the results :  “This makes you Casually Feminine.” Well, ain’t that a precise definition of crossdressing in the first place?  With those numbers, I actually shouldn’t have been surprised. Like many of you, I have often felt different, something in my personality that I just couldn’t place. I remember a woman once told me : “you have an eye for things man don’t usually have”. I was just confused by the irrepressible desire to wear women’s clothing and feel more refined, but I never dared to do it; I just kept it hidden, like so many of us.

That has changed significantly over the past year. Now that I am single again, I have all the freedom and, for some inexplicable reason, have undergone a complete mindset shift, and I have given Maila all the space she needed. Some of you know from my photos that I have grown into the woman I am today, almost every day, unless I have to present myself as a man to the outside world that knows me or expects that of me. The feminine me also wanted to discover the outside world, so with makeup, dressing nicely, and paying attention to my body shape (sports, healthy food), I stepped out the door and have since visited various places—not very many, but enough to become addicted to the experience. I admit that the reactions here and all the experiences I have read from you have helped me enormously in organizing my thoughts and feelings. I am an Aries, and it is said that once they have something in their heads, they go all out for it. And that is what I did. In the meantime, I met another—married and funny enough also Aries—crossdresser and we sometimes go out together now. She is also very feminine and has given me many tips.

Recently, she introduced me to a (French) site, and said: “Why don’t you register as a woman and see how many women respond? It also shows how ‘passed’ you are.” I found that an interesting suggestion, since we all worry quite a bit about how well we fit in. We care about how others see us, until we stop caring, but I still do. So I registered, with just two photos. I chose stylish photos, not sexy ones. The results were overwhelming. 

I chose the “woman seeking woman” option to ensure I didn’t appear in the view of men. After about an hour, I had about 30 visitors—surely only women—who had viewed my profile and received 5 likes in the shape of a heart, but no messages, just the “likes”. Not bad, I thought. They are probably waiting for a like confirmation before exchanging messages. I told my friend and she suggested: change it to “also looking for a man” now, so that’s what I did.

OMG. The genie was out of the bottle, or rather, I opened Pandora’s box! I was flooded with likes and messages. An hour later, my 5 likes had risen to*****likes and*****visitors. Many called me “a beautiful woman” and, to my surprise, they generally responded politely, perhaps because of my “serious” photos? One man, however, wrote: “You are a very beautiful, stylish trans woman,” so he must have noticed something the others didn’t. But many certainly didn’t see me as a man, but simply as a woman, including the woman who liked me. I decided to change the setting back to “women only” because I was being flooded with messages. Since I’ve been registered for about 1 week now, I’m still getting likes. A trans woman also contacted me…

I haven’t responded to the messages yet, although I could have just written back to the woman and said that I am a crossdresser, more often female than male, and seen how they would react, but so far I haven’t done that. Was this test a boost to my ego? Not at all, although it does show what we all already knew: men are hunters . I can also say that I am happy that I have apparently reached a level of “feminizations” that makes me come across as credible as a woman. We all know how much effort it takes to become as feminine as possible, and moments like these are—even if they are “playful”—a way to measure how far we have come in that regard.

Is it important? I guess not. As long as you feel happy the way you are, with the level of looks to become the woman you want to be and are able to express, that is the most important of it all. Not really care if you blend in 100% as a woman or if people quickly understand that you are in fact a crossdresser. The test however did confirm my femininity to a much higher level than I could ever have imagined.

I have to disagree however on the statement “This makes you Casually Feminine.”  I am becoming a woman almost everyday. It is always on my mind. I get dressed feminine everyday. My nails are most of the time colored. I love to put makeup as never before. I love the woman in the mirror much more than the man, though I still accept him. He does not rule my world anymore, but just walks behind the woman that was for many years hidden, crawling behind him, until she finally stood up, and claimed her rights. She even takes tests now to confirm that she is real and seen as a woman. That she exists here on CCD and in the real world. I reveal her to those that need to know or she wants to know, but not to those that do not need to know.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and so are the results of a test. Maybe I should take a test now to confirm that I’m not starting to suffer from a dual personality disorder, LOL. It is wonderful to be able to fully discover and embrace who you are.

Hugs to you all, Maila.