Problems with my pictures

All of the pictures that I or my wife have taken stink. The only camera I have to use is my lap top. I used to be really into 35mm photography but the cameras they have today just leaves me scratching my head. It has taken me four years just to get to where I am today on my lap top & that's not saying much. I don't own a cell phone, I have a land line so I am stuck with my lap top. On the plus side, I recently found out that they sell up graded cameras for lap tops, but I would still have the problem of getting outdoor photos. My lap top is some what big & bulky & you would have to have something to set it on, not to mention it would have to be the right height. My wife has brought some of her co workers over to our house to see me dressed as Joanne, a few of them took pictures, their photos compared to the one's we have taken, look like they were done by a professional. My wife has a cell phone but refuses to take any photos of me outdoors, she is worried about what the neighbors would say, I tried telling her that the neighbors have seen me as Joanne just about everyday but that don't matter to her. I told her, if I don't care about being seen, why should she ?, but it is o.k. to bring home girls you work with to see me & take pictures of me but just not the neighbors. I guess I'll buy the up graded camera & figure out how to take photos outside.