"Why I am OK with Crossdressers - A Woman's Perspective

I wanted to write something that I think may be relevant here as it's probably the most common question that I get asked by the members.  This may I hope give some clarity to why a regular woman (GG) like myself has an acceptance for all things to do with the cross-dressing community.

Firstly I would like to point out that I am (I consider myself) a highly educated individual who has been lucky in her 54 years on this planet to have seen the best and worst of life.  When I was born and as a young girl I very quickly realised I was gay; although I had tried to have relationships with boys/men it was just not for me.  To suppress my urges I joined the military, maybe foolishly in 1984; where I had to share a room with many women in various states of dress; not exactly an escape but enough as being gay in the military at that time was a court martial offence.

As a former lesbian of 26 years of marriage (I’m now a bi-woman, after my separation in Feb 2022) you may ask yourself, “why does she care” or “why does she like us”.  The simple answer is that I have no bias and judgment towards the cross-dressing community; I see them as women once they are dressed accordingly.  As I alluded to earlier I’m a professional person, and yes I have much experience in treating Transgender and Cross-dressing clients.  This has given me even more insight into what their driving forces are and more importantly their desires.

Many women feel a repulsion toward cross-dressing, this is probably due in the first instance to their own ignorance and lack of knowledge toward the subject.  Many women on finding that their husband/partner is a cross-dresser may accept the behaviour as it may make the average mundane sex life a little bit more exciting.  This has its own pitfalls as the women are trying to appease their partner/husband in their pursuit of the activity; on seeing them they may be repulsed at what is now stood before them.

We need to remind ourselves that cross-dressers across the whole are heterosexual men in stable and generally well established and stable relationships with their wives/partners/girlfriends.  Often for acceptance, communication is the key and discussion will help to educate and maybe further inform.

For me I find a cross-dressing male, or at least one that makes a concerted effort to be rather attractive to me personally; you may suggest as I alluded to earlier I’m a bi-woman so I would or may find them sexually arousing or attractive.  Not necessarily as I’m a woman, “why am I not repulsed and questioning why”; the answer is again simple.  

Many females also see the cross-dresser as a threat not just to their femininity but also to the wider population of feminists.  The cross-dresser may be viewed as invading the sacred form and personal space of the female construct and ideology.  Women's clothing is more tangible and the aesthetics of what I can wear for example silk, satin, nylon are all experiences the average man could never have as society would dictate that this would be a deviant act to indulge in and wear such garments.  Mens fashions are extremely narrow whereas women can wear what is seen as masculine attire whereas a man ordinarily can’t wear women's attire; such as a dress, skirt or blouse.

Many women also incorrectly assume that their partners may be gender questioning or are in conflict with their sexuality; as we said earlier the vast majority are heterosexual men in stable relationships. Gender in-congruence may also be another considered factor for women's mistrust; and research has shown that these men have no desire to transition, in some cases some treat the act as a hobby, or a way of expressing their feminine persona for a short time returning back to their male persona with ease.  These men are quite happy labeling themselves as a “tranny’ “cross-dresser "transvestite” or whatever term they choose to describe themselves.

Nevertheless, the motivations for men who cross-dress are still extremely complex and wide ranging individually. Whether a man is exploring femininity in a way societal expectations don't allow, dealing with loss, or simply expressing creativity.  It should be noted that every case is different. 

"Cross-dressing allows them that moment to give themselves permission to feel emotions, softness and nurture and love in a soft way because it's deemed as something a woman would do; consequently, "By putting on those clothes, they can tap into that feminine persona and feel feminine for that time”.

If I were to put myself in the position where I had a partner who was cross-dressing, “what would I do”, I think the biggest part is to approach the whole thing with an open mind…yes this may be biased as to what I know now.  However, as discussed I would approach it in a non-judgmental way by being an active listener, caring with curiosity, kindness and compassion and not with fear that I’m hurting or feel sick or repulsed.

I would of course be transparent and say that I find the situation uncomfortable (I would, it's all new to me), it may even be incompatible to what I want from the relationship.  More importantly it's crucial to understand without jumping to conclusions what the desire is to dress for my husband/partner/lover.  I would and should be able to uncover and discover, by giving my partner a safe space and time to talk and find out why as its differences are wide ranging for different men.  These all need to be carefully considered and taken into account.

I hope in this short blog I have been concise and clear enough to explain why I have the attitude I have and I would welcome any feedback and comments both positive and negative; constructive please.  I would also add this is a specialist subject of mine as previously mentioned in this text. I am a registered Clinical Psychologist and Sexual Relationship Therapist; I have written a number of peer reviewed papers on a wide range of topics and subjects.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have found this informative!!! 

Cheers 

Krystiana x