My First Post!

Hi ladies! Hope you are all doing well.

So, where to start? I first assumed the female identity Nikki about 25 years ago, but I had been cross dressing off and on for about 20 years before that, in my early *****. I used to sneak into my parents bedroom when they were out at work and go through my mum's wardrobe, putting on her dresses, undies and tights before playing with myself. I had a large collection of 'straight' porn (mainly Fiesta magazine) but couldn't help letting my feminine side through sometimes. I used to wish there were someone who could help me be a bit more girly and introduce me to others who dressed as well - there was also the naughty thrill of having some special fun too! Sadly, this was pre-internet and my dreams didn't come true. I drifted into the "normal" world, looking to get a girl and settle down...

Move forward 10 years, I was living with my girlfriend but still having girly urges. I would wait for her to go out visiting family on Saturdays and wear some of her outfits, it gave me an enormous sense of release. Eventually I started to buy one or two of my own things - I had a massive tights fetish and bought several pairs which I would wear under my girlfriend's frilly dresses (she was a bit of a goth). Later, when I had internet access and had found EBay, more outfits were purchased and hidden away. When our son was born, my female persona went back in the closet.

After a bad relationship breakdown I left my partner and, following a very painful break-up with another woman I was deeply in love with, I returned to my dressing up days. It felt wonderful to wear sexy outfits again, though my figure had gone south through middle age.

I love my current partner, but have kept Nikki hidden away from her. I think she might know that there is that side to me, but she hasn't said anything. Nikki comes out on the rare occasions I'm home alone or if I have to go to deal with family business and get to stay in a hotel solo for a night or two, but it's very few and far between and, because of how my "real" life is, I don't get the opportunity of getting away for a day / night or two on my own without my partner. Any time I've tried to plan something on some of the hook-up sites online it's failed in some way, and the people I was planning to meet have ditched me as the dreaded "time waster". I don't want to be seen that way, but I understand why it happens, and I feel I've let Nikki down.

I'd like to actually meet up with someone who I can share Nikki with one day - it doesn't have to be physical (though it would be nice!), and it doesn't matter if they are male, female, trans or otherwise - just a few hours to share being dressed with no judgement or fear of exposure. Maybe even go somewhere away from where I live, so she could come out in public at a specialist club. I'm nearly 60 and never had the chance to be fully dressed, made up and looking feminine. Maybe I will one day, I just have to keep hoping!

Love you all, ladies xx

Nikki