Girlie... Feminine... Woman?

I don’t know about you, but I tend to wonder where I fit within the broad definition of crossdressing. There is more to it than what meets the casual eye, especially the eye of those who judge us. By now, those who have been around this site for any length of time have come to see, first, that we aren’t alone, and secondly, that we are a broad and diverse group. So shall we…

I’ve stated it before elsewhere. We are more than the extreme definition of male or female. Those terms fit better near each end of the spectrum. Those in many circles would say there isn’t any room in between them. We all know (and most likely anyone with conscious thought) that there is way more middle than end. Just as there is a difference mentally and physically between manly men and starlet females there is vast thought and physical differences in the CD universe. We even fight amongst ourselves in what is and what should be included or excluded.

If you are a kid and have a hankering for your sister’s panties, are you a crossdresser or just have a fetish? Most of us will acknowledge that this is how we may have started before dipping our painted toes into the realm of womanhood; instead, we fixate on the tapestries to start. Things like nylons, slips, bras, perfume, high heels, lipstick, etc. Fixating on certain aspects without a desire to present as female. Most often, associating it with sexuality. If I still felt this way in my forties, I’d consider it more of a fetish rather than being a burgeoning crossdresser. You may disagree, fine by me, but I feel that the broader category for a crossdresser is more than wanting to wear objects of the opposite gender as defined.

A crossdresser isn’t someone who just steps into their first pair of heels; they are explorers of femininity and consumed by the thought of it, much enough that they alter their physical appearance (in whatever manner they can or get away with) to make presenting female easier. I pluck my eyebrows and keep my face cleanly shaven, having done so since I was in my twenties. No unibrow for me, but back then my fetish was for high heels and nylons. The thought of going all in was but a distant thought. There was one period when I did have a goatee, but I did so in defiance of those feminine thoughts. And yet… they were a sign, nevertheless, of a journey to come.

I’m going to exclude drag as I believe it is a special form all on its own. There are similarities and differences. Let’s also skip the growth cycle of a becoming that established crossdresser. I was a kid who liked??? Later, I started adding… but fought those feelings, until I came more or less to the point where I searched the internet and realized many others feel the same way.

You’re an adult, and are you Girlie? Feminine? Or a Woman? In Brina’s eye, those of us who are girly are drawn to certain specifics that are associated with femininity. We are more than just admirers of the look on (genetic or otherwise) individuals, as we are excited by and covet said items for ourselves. I use high heels as my example. I can’t stop watching a woman walk in them (online or in person) and wonder how they would feel and look on me.

If you add Feminine into the equation, I’m also keeping my toenails painted (legs most likely shaved) and have a collection of heels in my closet or hideaway. One who feels they are more woman than man is considering how long they could wear them, whether they could walk comfortably in them, and how expensive they are, and do they really have anything to wear with them or are they just creating a huge buying experience.

Are there boundaries to cross (pun there) that take us from one level to the other? How do we know when or which one we are? Truthfully… it may fluctuate daily or even over long periods. You may be in Feminine, and then your wife has a baby, and you revert to Girlie to survive. Balance in one’s life is the thing of importance. In similar fashion, an avid golfer gives up the majority of a golf season to help his family adapt to the baby. He may still get in some rounds, but not with the same frequency. The opposite is also true. The obsession with golf grips him, and he is on the course daily, with new clubs, his own cart, and playing at the expense of other things that maybe should be taking priority.

I bounce back and forth between Feminine and Woman, even into transgender. There is a difference in my assertion of a Crossdressing “Woman” and being transgender. To me, the biggest point is the absolute feeling of being in the wrong body and the gender dysphoria. I don’t hate my body, I would just be happier if I had a full bosom, smaller feet, no facial or body hair, and (undecided on little Johnny… ). In the Woman category, we want it all but still have the capacity to be the “Man” that others expect. I think this is where many of us feel that we may be the woman, and we are instead crossdressing as a man to keep up appearances. I’ve said it before, “I’d love to move somewhere new and establish myself as two people who just happen to never be seen together.” A true CD’s dream.

Before you start asking where or who is included and are there more specifics, what I’m trying to point out is that there is a pattern that many of us move through in our lives, but where we settle is the biggest difference. We all have the same similarities; some are wrought with more passion and urge, while others find consistency and satisfaction in having all the necessities available when they are needed (the frequency to change and not be defined). I love the look of the “French maid.” I don’t own an outfit, but I would go out on Halloween in one. Same with some of the other outliers that some of us contend don’t count as being a CD but are more fetish-oriented. I tend to include them because many of them may move to the Feminine or Woman later. And Fetish is where many of us started. My caveat for this is where you are or have always been (generally with sexual gratification) obsessed with certain objects that are female in nature.) An example may be excessively high heels, thigh-high boots. It’s more about the object and not the female representation.

We all want to belong, to understand the feelings that plague us, to find some form of peace with who and what we are, and to the eventual point of acceptance and appreciation of what being a crossdresser entails. It isn’t, let me say that again, it isn’t about wearing the clothes of the opposite gender. It is the fascination of femininity and finding our individuality in expressing it. It might include a hidden stash of items to full-blown closets full of evening dresses and clothing, along with drawers stuffed with more makeup and accessories than the majority of women own, to wanting or establishing a public female persona where our manhood becomes more the secondary consideration, though still vitally important to maintain our existence.

I hope this helps, brings you a little comfort, or at worst, brings back some fond memories of your journey.

May you be safe, be free of anxiety, and let the moments when you can be dressed be wonderful and meaningful…